Decisions

At the moment, I have to come up with a decision that will effect my future. I have to figure out what I want to do with my life. I have only thought of two possibilities: doing the right thing for the people I care for or doing the right thing for myself.

Those two choices, whether I like it or not, lead me down on separate paths. And I hate it so much that I haven't come it terms with the choice until now. I let it slide as if I didn't need to carefully think it over. I believed that if I left it alone enough that the choice will be chosen itself. That was stupid of me, you can't believe that everything will work out in the end if you're not doing anything to make sure that it does. Now I have to make up for the time I wasted.

Like I said my two choices were to live my life doing the right thing for the people that I love or doing the right thing for myself. Both are selfish and both can lead me to happiness.

 I can be noble and fulfill my obligations to my family, spend my entire life making sure that I've given them the life that they've always wanted. Work for the title and power, so I can be able to give my mom that big house that she's always wanted. The things that she deserves because she has spent most of her life doing what's best for the family. I know I owe it to her to make her life better, because right now it sucks. And I'll be happy to do it too. And then I can finally get the closure of proving my father wrong. To show him that he left behind an amazing family and to get the satisfaction of him realizing that we weren't nothing.

Or I can live my life the way I would have if it was better. If I didn't have to worry about if my family had enough money to pay off next week's debts. I can do what I've always wanted. I can get the education that I truly want and save people's lives without worrying about my responsibilities to my family. I can get my degree and go off to the Peace Corps, where I'll being making the world a better place. I'd help others making their lives better, and by doing so, fulfilling my life's purpose.


Those are my choices and I still can't decide which one is the right thing to do. But at the moment, I'm still seeking out other options.